God answers prayer. Over the past year or two, I have prayed several times that God would humble me, and that I would be used for His glory. I can say without a shadow of a doubt, he has answered these prayers. Not that I am a great servant, or that I always look to Him (pride is still the thorn in my side), but He HAS placed me in more opportunities than ever before to testify to His brilliance. He has made me more aware of the brokenness and pain that surrounds me, whether through experience or through scripture. To the point where now I do not pray for humility lightly. In fact, I am becoming increasingly aware of how powerful prayer is. Now I continue to pray for opportunities for His name to be glorified, but I have a better understanding of what that could entail, and that we should be careful when using the terms "break my pride," or "teach me to die to myself." Not just careful, but fearful of Him who will absolutely grant us these things if we come to Him with a reverent heart (Psalm 2:11). "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it." (1 Thesselonians 5:23-24)
In all of this, there is joy. Though it is difficult to see at times, we REJOICE that He has chosen us to serve His will and to be sanctified through His Spirit (1 Peter 1:3-7). This is what I pray for now, that He would fill me with His Holy Spirit, and that there would be joy in His service (Luke 11:13). Doesn't this reveal the greatness of the Lord? That we would know the power of Him who we pray to, and that we would then run to pray to Him all the more fervently!?! Not out of obedience that expects material blessing, but love. Pure, unadulterated love. My Lord, God! You have broken me down, and how I pray that you will continue to do so, that I might begin to know you, "and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge" (Ephesians 3:19).
It is from this place that I dwell on my service to God. Pastor Tyler presented a sermon today that focused on teaching, and he gave 5 points about the difficulties of teaching. Each one was powerfully true:
1) Criticism will come your way ("Be thick skinned")
2) Physically Draining
3) Exposes self-deficiency
4) Teaching in public settings can magnify pride.
5) Must live out what you are teaching.
How amazingly true, and how encouraging to see the leaders and elders of our church being honest about the trials and joys of serving God's people. This week, I am unable to go to community group. After hearing this sermon, I am so glad to have a week to reflect on my time leading group, and a time to pray for everyone in my community. I can say without a doubt that I love them, that my heart breaks for them, and that my soul rejoices in their joys. They are who God has granted me to serve, and to love. My deepest desire is that they would be pointed to Christ, not my idea of what being a follower is, but leaving them with the Word and knowing that God will pursue them as only He can.
This is my soul's question, "Lord, have you been shown to these people? Have I been removed so that your glory is absolutely apparent? Lord, have you served the church, or have I? Have you led this group, or have I? Have you loved my family, or have I? Have you loved my roommates, or have I trusted in my own will to do so?
Now, as I move forward, and only beginning to understand the awesome weight of prayer, I pray, "Lord, praise be your name! Thank you for your people, and I pray that you may grant them to be strengthened with power through your Spirit in their inner being (Ephesians 3:16). Pursue them, love them, and make your grace abundantly known to them. My brokenness is apparent to all, and I fail you continually, but your grace is overwhelmingly sufficient, and I rejoice in your Son's death and resurrection. Humble me so that I might serve your people, grant me endurance to run the race, sanctify me through your Spirit so that the people I interact with might see you and you alone. Lord, please, grant me your Holy Spirit."
He will surely do it.
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