If I were truly willing to lay down my life for Christ, others would be able to see him, but as it stands now, I am all talk. As C.S. Lewis wrote,
All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.
Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love - a scholar's parrot may talk Greek -
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.
One experiences a certain kind of hell when saying the things they know others want to hear, and knowing that with every word, their hypocrisy is layered and refined into an artful deception. How I pray that merely a fraction of my soul would be about His business, and not mine.
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging symbol. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I gain nothing." (1 Corinthians 13:1-2)
"For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do." (Galatians 5:17)
Lord, I grow so weary of this selfish flesh.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Here We Go
This is it. Starting this semester, I will start leading our community group. It is so difficult to relate how much work God has done on my heart about this. First of all, because we have all been so blessed with the Godly leadership he's given us since the group's inception. Also, I have been absolutely blessed to have a few days where I could meditate on the Word, pray, and read scripture. A self-imposed retreat, if you will. Again, what an absolute blessing. I was anxious at first, because I wanted to be back in Raleigh with the community that I love, but now I see that God has given me this time to meditate on his Word. As I look to the new semester, I MUST take time to be in the Word before I go back to Raleigh and serve our community. Not just to be continually reminded that Christ is our sole focus, but to begin to understand the weight that this role carries.
Colossians 3: 3-4 says, "For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." That is absolutely what we must pursue as we engage this new semester. We cannot seek an ideal community, because even if we base that idealistic community on Christian ideas, the community is not centered on Christ. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "Those who fashion a visionary ideal of community demand that it be realized by God, by others, and by themselves. They enter the community of Christians with their demands, set up their own laws, and judge the brethren and God Himself accordingly" (Life Together - Bonhoeffer). Oh how I pray that we would always see each other for who we are; broken sinners who desperately need Christ. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2: 20).
And as I look to this new semester, I rejoice at the opportunity that God has given me. I have spent time thinking of everyone in our group, and, with anticipation, waiting to walk with them, to listen to them, to pray with them, and to serve them. God's love fills me up as I remember how each of the people that are in our community reflect God's brilliance, and how they have labored to know him. As it says in Matthew 9: 36, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." How I desperately pray that I would be removed, and that Christ's passion would be seen for the people that he loves. In all my relationships, I ask Christ to humble me to the point of death so others may only see His glory.
"Once a man has experienced the mercy of God in his life he will henceforth aspire only to serve. The proud throne of the judge no longer lures him; he wants to be down below with the lowly and the needy, because that is where God found him" (Life Together- Bonhoeffer)
"I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord God. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice" (Ezekiel 34: 15-16).
Colossians 3: 3-4 says, "For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." That is absolutely what we must pursue as we engage this new semester. We cannot seek an ideal community, because even if we base that idealistic community on Christian ideas, the community is not centered on Christ. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "Those who fashion a visionary ideal of community demand that it be realized by God, by others, and by themselves. They enter the community of Christians with their demands, set up their own laws, and judge the brethren and God Himself accordingly" (Life Together - Bonhoeffer). Oh how I pray that we would always see each other for who we are; broken sinners who desperately need Christ. "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me" (Galatians 2: 20).
And as I look to this new semester, I rejoice at the opportunity that God has given me. I have spent time thinking of everyone in our group, and, with anticipation, waiting to walk with them, to listen to them, to pray with them, and to serve them. God's love fills me up as I remember how each of the people that are in our community reflect God's brilliance, and how they have labored to know him. As it says in Matthew 9: 36, "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." How I desperately pray that I would be removed, and that Christ's passion would be seen for the people that he loves. In all my relationships, I ask Christ to humble me to the point of death so others may only see His glory.
"Once a man has experienced the mercy of God in his life he will henceforth aspire only to serve. The proud throne of the judge no longer lures him; he wants to be down below with the lowly and the needy, because that is where God found him" (Life Together- Bonhoeffer)
"I myself will be the shepherd of my sheep, and I myself will make them lie down, declares the Lord God. I will seek the lost, and I will bring back the strayed, and I will bind up the injured, and I will strengthen the weak, and the fat and the strong I will destroy. I will feed them in justice" (Ezekiel 34: 15-16).
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Poem
Oh that His awesome majesty
would quiet our souls
and release to the wind
the chaotic noise of this world
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Community II
As I am away from the people that make up my community in Raleigh, I am able to reflect on that fellowship of believers. Also, I've begun reading Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, which is absolutely fantastic (thanks Rob). Both have allowed me to dwell on the concept of fellowship and to appreciate the community that God has given me. As most of us head into the new semester, it seems that we should take time to praise God for the community he has given us. In Raleigh, our community group is a fellowship of believers that is pursuing Christ. Though we may all be at different stages, or going through various trials, I have seen that the hearts in that group desire to pursue Christ. This should overwhelm each of us. In fact, I'm getting pretty emotional right now thinking about everyone (Although, the fact that I'm listening to hymns, Joshua Radin, and Iron & Wine might also have something to do with it). Bonhoeffer said in his book, “So between the death of Christ and the Last Day it is only by a gracious anticipation of the last things that Christians are privileged to live in visible fellowship with other Christians.” Paul writes of living together in peace through the Spirit in Ephesians 4. At the time, he was in prison, so he absolutely knew that community was a blessing to praise God for. We should praise God every time we come together simply because he allows us to know each other.
This is not a naive or overly idealistic notion. Our community is pursuing Christ, and many others are as well. The idealism comes in when we think that our group should look/behave in a certain way, even if that way is based in good intentions, for, "By sheer grace, God will not permit us to live even for a brief period in a dream world… Only that fellowship which faces disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God’s sight, begins to grasp in faith the promise that is given to it" (Bonhoeffer). Our community is constantly in flux. Some are going through trials, or wandering through the desert, while others are able to swim in the word and his goodness continually and passionately. Praise God that this should happen! Not just because eventually our stages will change and others will need our support, but because it illuminates that Christ alone is all that can support fellowship. "If we do not give thanks daily for the Christian fellowship in which we have been placed, even where there is no great experience, no discoverable riches, but much weakness, small faith, and difficulty; if on the contrary, we only keep complaining to God that everything is so paltry and petty, so far from what we expected, then we hinder God from letting our fellowship grow according to the measure and riches which are there for us all in Jesus Christ" (Bonhoeffer). I am certainly guilty of this. Looking for the "right" amount of Bible study or fellowship during our time together. Invariably, this drives my heart away from God's will and towards my own. Christ is all that allows a community to grow, or even exist. As Ephesians 2: 20-22 communicates, we are being "built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit." To quote Bonhoeffer again, “Christian brotherhood is not an ideal which we must realize; it is rather a reality created by God in Christ in which we may participate.”
So as we all look to this next semester, it may be our inclination (it's certainly mine) to achieve Christ-centered community. By the grace of God, that will not happen. Since the group's inception, and since I've been attending, God has used the people in our community group to glorify his name above all else. There has absolutely been trials and frustration, and I'm fairly confident we have all been hurt in some way. This will continue to happen. God is leading this group; not that we would know comfort, but that we would know his glory and absolutely depend on him.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Hypocrisy
When I've heard those who don't follow Jesus explain why they choose not to, many times it's because of the hypocrisy they see that is in the church. My first inclination is not to disagree with them, but to figure out what can be done to fix this. I don't think it's fair to say that a church as a whole is hypocritical, but it is easy to say that some sort of hypocrisy is present in most, if not all, churches. Obviously this is frustrating because I desperately want the world to see the church as a place that pursues Christ, and a place that will offer respite to those who suffer.
I recently listened to a sermon from the Village Church on Ultimate Authority: Guiding & Confronting the Mess. It talked about where the hypocrisy can come from. First, there are wolves in sheep's clothing, as 2 Peter 2:2 says, "And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed." Also, Jesus told the Pharisees, "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves" (Matthew 23:15). Secondly, there are varying levels of spiritual maturity within the church. Paul writes about this in Romans 14. The last reason that those outside the church see hypocrisy is because there is always a possibility of theological/missiological drift. A good example of the last issue is the church of Ephesus, which was called out in Revelation 2 for losing its first love. The Ephesians were still doing good things, but they had lost their focus on Christ.
After seeing all of these it seems clear that hypocrisy is a heart issue, and instead of asking what the church should do, it is imperative that I look at my own hypocrisy. Those who don't believe, as said by Charles Spurgeon in a sermon on Ezekiel 16:54, could easily say, "You say you are crucified to the world, and the world to you: it is a very merry sort of crucifixion. You say that you mortify your members and deny yourselves: your mortification must be suffered in secret, for it is but very little that we can see of it!" My hypocrisy comes from being content in my pride and seeking my own selfish desires. Even though I say that I serve others, my heart is too often turned inward. Not only that, but I am okay with being comfortable. This hypocrisy cripples my relationship with Christ, but also shows others a twisted view of following him.
I pray that I would only seek Christ, for as he said, "Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword... And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:34, 38-39). If the church is focused on Christ, then we will absolutely be ridiculed, but not for hypocrisy. Again, as Jesus said, "A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant to be like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household" (Matthew 10:24-25)
I recently listened to a sermon from the Village Church on Ultimate Authority: Guiding & Confronting the Mess. It talked about where the hypocrisy can come from. First, there are wolves in sheep's clothing, as 2 Peter 2:2 says, "And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed." Also, Jesus told the Pharisees, "Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves" (Matthew 23:15). Secondly, there are varying levels of spiritual maturity within the church. Paul writes about this in Romans 14. The last reason that those outside the church see hypocrisy is because there is always a possibility of theological/missiological drift. A good example of the last issue is the church of Ephesus, which was called out in Revelation 2 for losing its first love. The Ephesians were still doing good things, but they had lost their focus on Christ.
After seeing all of these it seems clear that hypocrisy is a heart issue, and instead of asking what the church should do, it is imperative that I look at my own hypocrisy. Those who don't believe, as said by Charles Spurgeon in a sermon on Ezekiel 16:54, could easily say, "You say you are crucified to the world, and the world to you: it is a very merry sort of crucifixion. You say that you mortify your members and deny yourselves: your mortification must be suffered in secret, for it is but very little that we can see of it!" My hypocrisy comes from being content in my pride and seeking my own selfish desires. Even though I say that I serve others, my heart is too often turned inward. Not only that, but I am okay with being comfortable. This hypocrisy cripples my relationship with Christ, but also shows others a twisted view of following him.
I pray that I would only seek Christ, for as he said, "Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword... And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it" (Matthew 10:34, 38-39). If the church is focused on Christ, then we will absolutely be ridiculed, but not for hypocrisy. Again, as Jesus said, "A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant to be like his master. If they have called the master of the house Beelzebul, how much more will they malign those of his household" (Matthew 10:24-25)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Prayer
Today I was able to meet with a fellow brother in Christ as we take part in a Bible study, and something struck me. I was asking him how I could pray for him, and he did the same, but for some reason, this time it seemed different. I know he's asked me before, and others have in the past as well, but this time it just hit me that I REALLY need prayer. As I become a member of Vintage 21 church, and as I seek to be a Christ-like example in all my relationships, I desperately need prayer. I am certainly plagued with a fair amount of self-doubt and trepidation as I look to the future, and I'm not sure where the line between healthy vulnerability and humble leadership is. So, for whatever reason (probably divine), I found today that I am in need of prayer and support from those in my community of faith.
Prayer to be open and honest with the people in my life. Not in a complaining way, but in a way that would show Christ through my brokenness. As Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:15-16, "The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life."
Along with this, I am only beginning to understand what it means to be a man of God. To stop living in laziness and lead in humility. As Paul says in 1 Timothy 6:11-12, "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." Also, in 2 Timothy 2:15, "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth."
Throughout the rest of my life, but especially in the coming months, I beg for prayer, and may I never forget how much I need the support of the community God has given me.
"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." -(1 Corinthians 15:58)
Prayer to be open and honest with the people in my life. Not in a complaining way, but in a way that would show Christ through my brokenness. As Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:15-16, "The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life."
Along with this, I am only beginning to understand what it means to be a man of God. To stop living in laziness and lead in humility. As Paul says in 1 Timothy 6:11-12, "But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness. Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses." Also, in 2 Timothy 2:15, "Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth."
Throughout the rest of my life, but especially in the coming months, I beg for prayer, and may I never forget how much I need the support of the community God has given me.
"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." -(1 Corinthians 15:58)
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Pride
I am so thankful for the past few months. I have surely seen God move in my life and in others', and I have definitely grown in my relationship with him. What's more, in the past God has revealed himself through a series of experiences that were humbling, but this past semester has been growth through delving into the scripture. That has been a unique and amazing thing for me. God certainly uses experiences, but it has been great to meet him through his word.
So, understandably, I KNEW that when I went back home for Thanksgiving break, I would be able to die to myself and serve the other members of my family in a Christ-like way. The love that I have for my immediate and extended family would absolutely be enough for me to be able to show Christ to them, if only in a fraction of the way that they have showed me. What I found, however, is that I failed... pretty miserably. What DID take place is a pretty amazing back-step into my habits of high-school. The only difference was that, instead of watching TV, I read most of the time. It was a Christian book about following Christ radically. I share this, because, given the general selfishness of my attitude, it's pretty hilarious that that's what I was reading. When I say "hilarious," I don't really mean "ha-ha" funny, I mean, "you have to laugh to keep from crying" funny.
This is certainly frustrating. After thinking about it for the past couple days, I think I found why this happens (maybe). I know that my family accepts me, and I know that they love me unconditionally. This makes it so much easier for me to regress into a selfish child who has his mom make every meal for him, and groans every time his Dad asks him to help out. Another interesting point, maybe I've changed. I always thought that I could seamlessly transition between Greensboro and Raleigh, but I don't think I can. They are two very different places, and both have glimpses, but not entire pictures of who I am.
That last statement is very important, mainly for this reason: it is absolutely the selfishness that God hates. That last statement is exactly what I've thought in the past, and seemed completely rational when I wrote it here. I think this often, and I am sure others do as well. I have a view of myself as this incredibly complex soul that few are able to understand. So there it is, there is the pride that is underlying everything. This entry itself has been teeming with pride, "I have grown, I failed to serve, I have changed." Self-analysis is necessary, but goodness gracious, stop viewing the world as some Citizen Kane featuring yourself and follow Christ! Empty words are evil, and we are wasting time when we should be proclaiming his name! As Jesus said in Matthew 10:25-26, "A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant to be like his master." Also, in James 4, "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We could also read Proverbs 4:25, "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you."
Praise God that we may find rest in him, and be turned away from our own prideful hearts.
"Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling." -Psalms 2:11
So, understandably, I KNEW that when I went back home for Thanksgiving break, I would be able to die to myself and serve the other members of my family in a Christ-like way. The love that I have for my immediate and extended family would absolutely be enough for me to be able to show Christ to them, if only in a fraction of the way that they have showed me. What I found, however, is that I failed... pretty miserably. What DID take place is a pretty amazing back-step into my habits of high-school. The only difference was that, instead of watching TV, I read most of the time. It was a Christian book about following Christ radically. I share this, because, given the general selfishness of my attitude, it's pretty hilarious that that's what I was reading. When I say "hilarious," I don't really mean "ha-ha" funny, I mean, "you have to laugh to keep from crying" funny.
This is certainly frustrating. After thinking about it for the past couple days, I think I found why this happens (maybe). I know that my family accepts me, and I know that they love me unconditionally. This makes it so much easier for me to regress into a selfish child who has his mom make every meal for him, and groans every time his Dad asks him to help out. Another interesting point, maybe I've changed. I always thought that I could seamlessly transition between Greensboro and Raleigh, but I don't think I can. They are two very different places, and both have glimpses, but not entire pictures of who I am.
That last statement is very important, mainly for this reason: it is absolutely the selfishness that God hates. That last statement is exactly what I've thought in the past, and seemed completely rational when I wrote it here. I think this often, and I am sure others do as well. I have a view of myself as this incredibly complex soul that few are able to understand. So there it is, there is the pride that is underlying everything. This entry itself has been teeming with pride, "I have grown, I failed to serve, I have changed." Self-analysis is necessary, but goodness gracious, stop viewing the world as some Citizen Kane featuring yourself and follow Christ! Empty words are evil, and we are wasting time when we should be proclaiming his name! As Jesus said in Matthew 10:25-26, "A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master. It is enough for the disciple to be like his teacher, and the servant to be like his master." Also, in James 4, "What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." We could also read Proverbs 4:25, "Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you."
Praise God that we may find rest in him, and be turned away from our own prideful hearts.
"Serve the Lord with fear, and rejoice with trembling." -Psalms 2:11
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