Because I will more than likely be missing Community Group tonight, I have been thinking about the role that it has played in my life. Although, the better question should be, what role have I played to pour into and help the community group grow in Christ? Vintage 21, the church I've attended for the past two years while at college, has community groups meet once a week to study and delve deeper into the passage that was taught on Sunday. This group is not merely a Bible study though. It is exactly what its name suggests, a gathering of people that wish to learn and grow in Christ through community. A much better description than my own is available on this link: http://www.vintage21.com/community-groups/.
I started going to community group January of 2010, and was instantly appreciative of what was happening. There was a depth to the study of scripture that I had not seen before, and for the most part, everyone desired to be open and honest with each other. Two things made me stay: 1) Someone I was doing discipleship with and his roommates were going, and I'd grown to respect all of them. 2) I saw the potential to be vulnerable and honest with others about my struggles without being judged.
Looking back on the past several months, I can say that I have been honest and vulnerable (to the point of exhaustion) at some times. That vulnerability, scattered as it is, would not be possible if I didn't see an underlying desire within the community to build others up in Christ. This gets to my greatest struggle with any group, but especially this group in particular, I desire commitment, or, selfishly desire loyalty. I can be vulnerable and "throw my heart out on the floor," but I often want something in return. Maybe it's praise, or sympathy, but whatever it is, it is not of Christ. More often than not, I just want others to stay. Many people have attended community group for a few weeks and then left. This is perfectly justifiable, we are all fed spiritually in different ways, but my heart breaks every time someone leaves.
I'm sure that I will continue to throw my heart out on the floor and be met at times with blank stares, but there is one constant in everything: God. As Psalm 73 says, "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (Psalm 73:25-26), also in James, "Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change" (James 1:17). God is the one constant, the relationship that will never fail me or turn away.
This is the progression that leads me back to community. I trust that God is with me and also with every single person in that group. He has an intimate and beautiful relationship with each of them, and what a joy to see that in others! The complexity and experience that each of these people bring to the group is overwhelming. When I am scared because I know people will leave, I turn to God as my constant, and then I can turn back to the community group and love them each will all that I have. I can bear their burdens joyfully and pray that I would be able to sacrifice for them so much that it's painful.
"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself"
-Galatians 6:2-3
ok, now i'm definitely excited about this blog. as someone who has lived with you going on a year and a half now, i can verify that this is real honesty pouring out of alex lane. particularly, the part about you that doesn't like people leaving the group and/or not demonstrating commitment and loyalty strikes me. first of all, i know it's true, because that's one thing i recall you coming back from community group and talking to me about, sharing your sadness/frustration/whatever it is about people leaving. you say that you "selfishly desire loyalty," but, as i gather, you want for people who attend a few times to commit and continue attending and not fall by the wayside, as well as you want for people who attend regularly to share, invest, contribute, and be vulnerable. that desire, in and of itself, is not selfish, is not wrong, and is, in fact, of Christ. that, to me, is a desire to see community as it should be, as God intended for it to be. community is one way that we see God's love incarnate. and love, like community, is about both giving and receiving.
ReplyDeleteI really like what you are talking about here alex, and it makes sense to me. I think that what you are looking for in people is not something selfish for you, but in desire to see members challenged with the relationship with God. It is much easier to see a group that dives into deep questions, and to run away, or to sit idly in a group but that is not what God is calling for us, especially not for you which is why your comments are so strong. Keep feeling what you feel, I believe that God has given you these desires for a reason and that might be to challenge all of us.
ReplyDeleteKienan
Alex,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for mentioning this at group tonight (I'm glad you ended up being able to come). On the issue of vulnerability, this entry couldn't have hit closer to home and provided confirmation and encouragement to continue to step out in faith for the sake of building others up and being honest. For the past 3+ years, it's been a struggle to be vulnerable without attaching some level of expectation or something in return after exposing the deeper layers of my heart. Galations 2:20 (which I saw you quoted in your previous entry) is a verse I have been clinging to for a while to constantly remind myself that my identity is in the new life Christ has given me, and not my struggles, past struggles, or in anything else. Reading this couldn't have come at a better time!
Sarah S.